Hey! Send
This
Guy On The Next
Plane Out. He´s
Nothing But
Trouble!
By John Holtz*
Oh my God! Oh my
God! (OMG) it is
our savior and
the globally
recognized
security expert
Steven Seagal,
or is that a 600
pound gorilla
with a butt the
size my desk.
Either way, I
bow to his whims
and his ways
because he knows
so much and,
through his
lawyer, of
course, he said
that we are not
worthy of him
and he is being
treated
unfriendly…then
so it must be
because, he is
the world famous
actor, Steven
Seagal who never
had to prepare
an acceptance
speech.
A letter to
Steven Seagal:
Dear. Mr. Seagal,
Thank you so
much for coming
to our little
pueblo and
bringing with
you your guns to
make us feel
safe again
against rampant
crime, the
killer narco
guys and, from
ourselves who
evidently lack
your expert
knowledge
learned as
Deputy Sheriff
in Louisiana,
the highest
crime rate per
capita in the
United States.
(Hell, if they
thought it would
work, they would
give Shrek a
badge.)
Perhaps on your
VIP escorted
rides about our
country that you
don´t pay for,
not even
Autopista del
Sol, and
especially in
San Jose,
perhaps you can
find time in
your super busy
acting career to
bless us with
your forensic
advice that our
police, our
government, all
those who live
here including
my two kitties
would welcome
with open arms
and blithe
hearts.
Mr. Seagal,
bless you for
coming to us and
bless the work
you have been
doing during
this past week
taking up the
time of our
Minister of
Security, the
Director of the
OIJ (That´s like
your FBI),
having lunch
with our mayors
at the upscale
Union Club
always dressed
in that same
black shirt.
Do you own more
than one?
Because it would
be my honor to
contact Omar the
tent maker and
have another
made just for
you along with
“Super Relaxed”
fit in the butt
pants, also done
in black.
By the way, who
is picking up
the tab on this
trip?
We Costa Ricans
are mortified
that our elite
government
officials spent
so much time
with you and you
do not like us.
What can we do
to make it up?
But, then again
you are teaching
us humility, how
to protect
ourselves
because you
were, not only a
great thespian
(Actor), but
also some kind
of a Chop Suey
champ like the
Karate Kid.
You have decided
not to make the
$100 million
blockbuster here
in Costa Rica,
and you don´t
even want to
invest in
tourism and
better yet, you
made your
feelings very ,
very public but
you are still
here. You have
not left as
promised. (I
have this lot in
Guanacaste, you
would just love,
really love!)
When, Mr. Seagal,
can we be sure
you are going
home and staying
there? Not that
we are anxious
for our security
savior to hit
the road, but
you are pretty
expensive stuff
and I have to
admit, please,
forgive my
humble thoughts,
that our
government is in
a lot of
economic hot
water, to say
the least and
needs to focus
on getting out
of that mess
rather than
tripping over
your size 13
shoe.
Actually, the
more I write
this letter to
you soliciting
guidance and
revelation from
the great one,
the more I am
getting a little
upset because
you have taken
up or precious
time, taken up
our valuable
resources
(Money), are
riding around
here like a
Sheik and my
government has
been kissing
your gigantic
butt for almost
a week. Still,
you talk badly
about us.
Shame on us for
being
internationally
humiliated.
Shame on you for
doing it!
Sincerely, your
humble servant,
John
Hey! Send this
guy on the next
plane out. He´s
nothing but
trouble!
*John Holtz is the Executive Director of
theCenter for
the Studies of
Modern
Management
www.modernmanagement.org and can
be reached at:
[email protected].
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