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Do You Know The Way To San José?
By Jeffrey Groberman, The Sun Vancouver Sun
You'd better have it memorized, because
Costa Rica, an otherwise progressive
country, has almost no street signs or
addresses
I recently paid a visit to San José, Costa
Rica to study Spanish. It's a very nice
place -- too bad I can't go back. You see,
I've sort of become the Salman Rushdie of
Costa Rica.
It has nothing to do with Satanic Verses or
religion -- it has to do with something that
Costa Ricans take far more seriously than
theology -- geography.
Costa Rica is a very progressive country:
Its political, medical, scientific and
educational institutions rival anything we
have here in Canada. There is only one area
in which they lag behind the rest of world:
street names.
I had an inkling this was a problem on my
first day of classes when I asked for
directions to my school and was told it was
"near the Plaza de Sol about 40 metres north
of Pops." (Pops being the Costa Rican
equivalent of Dairy Queen.)
"No, no!" I protested. "Give me the exact
address. I want the number and the street."
I was told they don't use street names or
numbers in San Jose. Everything is done by
"landmarks." If you want to take a taxi
somewhere, you don't give the street number,
you tell the driver what landmark it's close
to and then navigate into it from there.
This was totally unacceptable to me. I took
it upon myself to rectify this problem by
writing an instructive letter (in Spanish)
to the editor to their national newspaper La
Nacion.
To Whit:
Ola dear Costa Ricans:
I have travelled all over the world -- from
the wilds of Papua New Guinea to Whitehorse
-- from Nairobi, Kenya to Hanoi, Vietnam --
and if you look up, you're sure to see a
street sign. Even the tiny Pacific Island of
Yap, where they still use stone money, has
street signs.
When Neal Armstrong landed on the moon in
1969 and Mission Control asked him where he
was, he could tell them exactly. Every
crater, every lunar sea, every pothole had a
name. He wouldn't have to tell Mission
Control:
"Hello Houston, this is Tranquillity Base.
The Eagle has landed. We are exactly 40
metres north of Pops, just below the man in
the moon's left eyebrow."
If you look up in the sky every star has a
given name and a specific address. It's not
the third star from the left end of the
handle of the Big Dipper.
If President Obama wanted to drop in on your
president, and called in Secretary Clinton
for directions, would the conversation might
be something like:
"Hillary, I'd like to drop in on President
Oscar Arias. Joe Biden says he's a nice guy
and I should meet him. Where is the
Presidential Palace?"
"Well, Mr. President, you go down the main
street until you get to the big mall. You
can't miss it. There's a McDonald's on the
corner. Then you turn right and go until you
get to the Chicken Fritta. Then it's 40
metres north of Pops. It's a big white house
-- you can't miss it."
When I questioned the lack of signage in San
José, I was told that it was tradition.
Well, so were cannibalism and slavery but
we've managed to survive without those!
So I think it's time that San José joins the
rest of the world and initiates a program to
put signs up on it streets and avenues so
people will know where they are and won't
get lost on their way to school!
I'll even help get the ball rolling. How
does Groberman Avenue sound?
Your Canadian amigo, Jeffrey Groberman
Evidently I hit a nerve with my letter.
Within minutes of the paper hitting the
street, my inbox was filled to overflowing
with angry e-mails from Costa Ricans saying:
"How dare you as a foreigner try and tell us
what to do! How would you like it if we came
up to Canada and tried to tell YOU what to
do?"
I answered pointing out that we'd either
elect them to Parliament or give them their
own comedy show on CBC -perhaps both.
Another angry writer threatened to kill me
if I ever set foot in his country again!
I responded by pointing out that without
street signs how would he ever find me?
For the past several years, there's been a
heated debate whether to initiate street
signs in the country. I was told my letter
reignited this debate. It was even read
aloud in the Costa Rican parliament. I'm now
quoted as a reliable source in Wikipedia on
the subject of street signage -- at least I
think I'm quoted as a source. My Spanish
still isn't very good.
So, until the matter cools down, I can't go
back to Costa Rica. If any of you are down
there, let me know if you see an Avenida
Groberman.
IF YOU GO: Don't mention my name.
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